WARNING This story contains far too many national stereotypes, excessive innuendo, camp and kitsch glamour, slap-stick humour and enough inappropriate and politically incorrect lyrics to offend the most robust of readers. Needless to say, some excessively large portions of poor taste and shockingly embarrassing costume disasters have been included. May I also apologise in advance as some of the more unforgettable (and unforgivable) European Song Contest lyrics have also been included. It’s the Eurovision Song Contest yet again and this year it’s being held in Bostrovia, a newly formed Balkan state. Bostrovia has no experience of hosting large events other than Yak milking and sheep shearing tournaments. Exactly how it won the contest from the previous year still remains a mystery and can only be attributed to the elaborate and biased voting system which, without empirical evidence, appears to be based on political corruption. But it does have a long history of apparently ‘proud’ dictatorship and its population is composed almost entirely of farmers, peasants, former dictators, despots, oligarchs and mercenaries so what could possibly go wrong? Bostrovia wants to put on a spectacular contest, not just for the sake of world-class entertainment, but to prove that the new country is ready to be welcomed into the lucrative bosom of the European Union. Membership to the fee market will allow the citizens of Bostrovia the opportunity to travel freely and open up new and exciting business ventures either legal or otherwise. But with over 60 million viewers tuning in to the contest each year, and rising, it’s the perfect arena for a radical breakaway group to stage a political coup, take a few hostages and make some unlikely-to-be-granted demands. It’s a well tried and tested formula for getting things done in a newly-formed country so why change the system if it’s always worked? But Eurovision is bigger than they initially thought and it soon becomes apparent that Bostrovia is far from ready to accommodate such a huge and popular contest. Neither is it ready to meet the demands of some of their more radical citizens by using the older and banned methods which had previously been implemented to quell uprisings and social change in the past. Well, not with the world watching anyway. But an accidental hero from the United Kingdom and an Elvis appreciation act inadvertently save Bostrovia’s up-and-coming reputation and ensure that the Eurovision phenomenon remains a movement which must always be taken seriously. We follow the personal stories of four members of an Abba tribute act who represent their individual countries during the contest with each dreaming of one day becoming famous. We also meet many glamorous and unlikely characters along the way, including the host nation’s contestant Magdelaine who may have the voice of an angel but isn’t all she appears to be. Ladies and Gentlemen good evening because this is Eurovision calling.